President Ronald Reagan established October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month in 1988. At the time he said, “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

Many people do not know that October has been designated for this remembrance or that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This is not just the case for the general public but also for those who have firsthand experience with this.

In truth, for those who have lost a child—either prior to birth or within the first year afterward—every day is a reminder of that child not being a living member of their family. Their grief is often carried silently, just as the grief of those suffering from breast cancer once was.

The number of people who face this loss are staggering! The American College of Pediatricians noted the statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services earlier this year:

• 1,000,00 pregnancies end with the loss of a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth each year.

• 24,000 infants die each year in infancy.

Each of these deaths creates multiple grievers. It is not just the parents who are impacted. The grandparents, siblings of that child and other family members grieve the loss as well, along with close family friends.

We often hear people say that “Grief just takes time.” It would be wonderful if this was the case or that there was a timetable to grief. Unfortunately, this is not true. What happens with the passage of time is that we just become accustomed to carrying around that emotional pain deep inside. We “silently suffer,” because no one is there to offer us an effective way to deal with it!

While there are any number of “support groups” that you might find in your community or online, many of them support you in expressing your pain, but offer few, if any, assistance in helping you to take effective action to moving out from under the cloud it has cast over your life.

How can you take action to make this Remembrance Day a step to a better tomorrow?

If you are suffering the pain of having lost a child, you may contact me, Heidi Brouelette, MA, LPC, to help you deal with the pain in your heart, or check to see if there is a Grief Recovery Method Support Group in your area. Unlike most other support groups, this program offers a truly effective action plan for emotional recovery. It is not about forgetting your loss, which you will never do, but rather teaching you the necessary tools to deal with the pain in your heart!

Excerpts from GRM blog 10/09/19, Stephen Moeller, Grief Recovery Specialist